Mirror Mirror

I look at myself in the mirror. Brown hair, straight (lank, I think), brown freckles on beige skin. Colorless lips, washed out, gray eyes. What does that face tell me? Who am I really? I is such a big word. ME. I don’t know who ME is!!

I pinch my cheeks, tug outwards. Whiskers, silver shiny and luxurious, sprout instantaneously. I pull on my nose and it lengthens into a miniature elephants trunk. My ears droop in Spaniel like fashion, my pupils turn to slits as reptilian lids flick restlessly over my eyeballs.

Once it starts, I can’t control it. I just watch.

My eyes grow and shrink, slide around my head, so that, momentarily, all I see is the room behind me. They grow bulbous as a frogs, slit-pupiled like a cat, multifaceted as a fly.

My hair grows longer, shorter. Covers my entire body in the rough skin of a Rhinoceros, my back in the spines of a Porcupine, my head the crest of a rainforest bird.

My breathing speeds up, heart beating faster.

thump-Thump thump-Thump thump-Thump

The changes seem to match the speed of my increasing heart rate.

Thump-THUMP giraffe neck, head hits the ceiling

Thump-THUMP a mermaids tail and I start to fall

Thump-THUMP horses legs and I steady myself

I’m breathing too fast, my heart is beating against the walls of my body, struggling to get out!

In my chest I feel a tightness, a knot curling tighter into itself, compacting my being into a single ball of fear, of frantic uncertainty.

I watch the mirror. The bits of creature disappear, to make way for wavy black hair, curling around my very human ears. I grow a good six inches taller, my breasts melt away, shoulders broaden, hips narrow, jaw and nose become more pronounced. Stubble covers my chin, a dark shadow. Incredulous eyes, deep blue and ringed by darkest lashes, stare out at me.

ME?!??

The knot attempts to tighten, yet it can’t get any tighter, so instead it explodes.

I wail, a great, wavering cry of anguish. My soul tearing into a million pieces. A piece for every part that isn’t me.

WHO AM I!!!!

I collapse, my knees hitting the old hard wood floor with a sharp crack. I welcome the shoot of pain.

I curl up, rap my arms around my knees.

Sobbing.

Tears run down in twisting streamlets.

Run down my cheeks.

Down my arms where my face is pressed close for comfort. Drip from my arm onto the floor.

I watch the tear-lakes form.

Wait.

I stop.

Everything holds still, the dust motes stop drifting, watching me instead. ME?

I stand up, uncertainty shivering through my shaking body.

My head hangs down, breathe catching. I look at the mirror.

Brown hair, straight (lank, I think), brown freckles on beige skin. Colorless lips, washed out, gray eyes.

ME?

Me.